29 November, 2005

Hail, Sub-Holy Master!

I was so beat on Saturday night that when I got home from work, I just went right to bed.

Oh, what I missed.

I swear, I must be like the only person on the whole planet who was NOT surprised by Marek Malik's shootout-winner the other night. I just laugh whenever I watch that highlight, because it's just so him. I've been watching the guy for years, kids—I've known for ages that he's capable of pulling some crazy move out of thin air at any moment. It's just the way he is.

Of course, not everyone thinks it's so great.
Kelly Hrudey, obviously bitter that the Leafs have sucked on toast in shootouts so far (or bitter that a Leaf didn't score like that in a shootout--take your pick), has decided that he's going to keep whining on the Ceeb (until somebody decides to take the goal away, apparently) that the Serene Master's goal shouldn't have counted because he looped the puck back around his left ankle before shooting it over Kolzig's shoulder.

The bug that Hrudey has up his ass is the following clause from NHL Rule 30a (Penalty Shots):

The puck must be kept in motion towards the opponent's goal line and once it is shot, the play shall be considered complete.

The argument presented is that the puck must always maintain forward motion, and that by bringing it back a bit, His Serenity negated that and the shot should not have counted.


I think that it's time for what I like to call "Physics for Whiny Ex-goalies". Let's say that I am on a cruise ship that is sailing toward the Cayman Islands. I am running as fast as I can toward the stern of the ship. The ship is still moving toward the Cayman Islands, even though I'm running astern. It doesn't matter that I'm technically running AWAY from the Cayman Islands—I am still on the ship, the ship is in control of me, therefore I am moving toward the Cayman Islands whether I want to be or not. The only way for me to NOT be moving toward the Cayman Islands would be to jump overboard.

By the same token, the only way for that shot not to have counted would be if Malik had lost control of the puck. If that had happened, THEN and ONLY then would the rule have applied. Since the Serene Master was still in control of the puck and still moving toward the goal, the puck was still moving toward the goal (i.e. forward) and therefore the shot counts.

Memo to Kelly Hrudey: The laws of physics say “Sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and stop trying to play rules-lawyer because you suck even more at that than you did as a goalie!”

Just sayin'.