13 June, 2006

Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs.... (Five Minute Bullshit Major, Part 4)

I'm sure that some of you saw a post from Dwayne Klessel's Eklund's blog on Sunday that contained this little gem:

btw: Beware of false Eklunds. With my big numbers on the website there are at least three people I have heard of that are pretending to be me. First off, on Sportsnet`s website, there is a guy who post comment as Eklund, that is not me, and yesterday, I guy was Instant Messaging as me apparently, not me again....too many Eklunds!

I saw this and laughed my ass off. Why, you ask?

Grab a beverage and sit down, friends and neighbours--this will be fun.

You will note that there were some comments made to one of my previous posts on the subject (specifically this one here) by somebody labelling himself ESPN HOCKEY GUY. The writing style is exactly the same as Dwayne's, the credentialism is the same, and they came from a Philadelphia IP address.

If it walks like an Eklund and talks like an Eklund and pitches a fit when you call it on being an Eklund....

After a couple comment-rounds with that clown, I dropped his IP on my banlist and figured that'd be the last of it.

Oh, how wrong I was.

24 hours later I'm sitting here chillin', and all of a sudden I get this AIM message:

(17:58:18) eklundsaim: hey bud...just read your stuff about me...

So of course, I gotta wonder "as antagonistic as I've been toward this lying sack, what the hell could he hope to gain from IMing me?"

What follows is a verbatim transcript, unedited and unexpurgated. All comments from me are made in italics and closed by parentheses.

(17:59:00) acidqueen5426: And you hope to gain...what, by IMing me?
(17:59:00) eklundsaim logged in.
(17:59:31) eklundsaim: nothing...just wondering why the hostility?
(18:00:31) acidqueen5426: I think it's been made pretty clear over the last few months.
(18:01:11) eklundsaim: i just read you for the first time today...sorry...did I say something against the Canes?

(18:02:07) acidqueen5426: Don't lie to me, Dwayne. I know that you read my first post where I showed how you plagiarized a trade rumor from a message board, because I read the thread on your own website where you said that I and Eric McErlain (and I quote) are "jealous" and "have no credibility".
(18:02:26) acidqueen5426: If there's one thing I detest, it's a liar.
(18:02:52) acidqueen5426: So don't try to make nice to me, because it won't happen. And on that note, I bid you a good day.

And I chucked him on my IM client's blocklist, because I didn't feel like dealing with him. Apparently that didn't do anything (or gaim decided that it didn't want to honor the ban), because three minutes later I got....

(18:05:14) eklundsaim: not even a chance to defend myself, eh? No biggie...don't believe everyhting you read...give me a few minutes to respond to you in a professional way...blogger to blogger, or does that not fit into your agenda?

(18:06:22) acidqueen5426: To be honest, you're the farthest thing from "professional" in my opinion. But fine. If you really think that I'll suddenly start believing you after you've shown me time and again to be nothing but a faker, then fine. You have the floor.
(18:06:45) eklundsaim: thanks.
(18:07:46) eklundsaim: first off refresh my mind on the trade rumor that I allegedly stole...
(18:07:56) eklundsaim: one accusation at a time

(18:08:33) eklundsaim: ?

(18:09:12) eklundsaim: did I lose you?

(18:09:14) acidqueen5426: Not at all.
(18:09:32) eklundsaim: what did I plagerize?

(At this point, my boss called. When the boss calls, you kinda gotta take the call.)

(18:10:27) eklundsaim: alright if you have nothing for me to defend then what's the deal?

(18:11:00) acidqueen5426: Forgive me, my boss called. Had no idea I wasn't allowed to use the phone.
(18:11:13) eklundsaim: ok...no prob
(18:13:33) acidqueen5426: Let me see, there was the Brad Richards to Montreal for Ryder, Hainsey, and a 3rd-rounder rumor.
(18:14:16) acidqueen5426: My bad--it was ranked E3, not E5.
(18:17:01) acidqueen5426: And then there was all your "Sooper Sekrit Insider" information that you spouted during the lockout--which is what got me started on all this. And of course there's Eric McErlain's chronicling of your numerous self-contradictions and "inside information" that turned out to be more bogus than a 2010-issue three-dollar bill.
(18:19:20) eklundsaim: yes, I remember...that was all over the place...wasn't it?....I actually got it from three different people, thus the E3, they all heard it from people online. but e3 means that it is from three sources not connected to the deal. At the time Brad was rumored to Montreal everyday or so...I remember getting back from dinner and writing the rumor was false. That happens alot in the world of rumors...if someone tells me something they heard, and that person is in the know, I go with it...In this case, I actually reported it was a false rumor...which many rumors are...

(18:20:16) acidqueen5426: Uh huh. I thought the rating was the number of "strong sources" that support the rumor? That's what you've always said.
(18:21:16) eklundsaim: your sarcasm is biting....

(18:21:24) eklundsaim: let's talk lockout
(18:22:24) acidqueen5426: Ah yes, the "high-fives in the conference room at NHL headquarters" that you posted about, and the IMMINENT deal that would save the season....right before the season was cancelled.
(18:22:37) eklundsaim: that did happen
(18:22:42) eklundsaim: anyway
(18:22:48) acidqueen5426: I call BS.
(18:22:59) eklundsaim: ok..that's you're right
(18:23:22) eklundsaim: the person who told me that was in the room
(18:23:34) eklundsaim: i just had lunch with her
(18:23:40) eklundsaim: in Raleigh
(18:23:43) acidqueen5426: I don't believe it.
(18:23:48) eklundsaim: ok
(18:23:56) eklundsaim: that's cool
(18:24:33) eklundsaim: the nature of what I do makes skeptics...these aren;t facts...these are rumors right?
(18:24:36) acidqueen5426: See, I get what you're playing at--you're trying to make it sound like you're super-connected, when really you just know a columnist at the Inquirer who's able to scam you a restricted mediot pass every now and then.
(18:25:13) eklundsaim: restricted pass is absolutely false...I'd bet my house to you on that one
(18:25:33) acidqueen5426: Cool, I've always wanted a house in Philly. Is it at least in a low-crime neighbourhood?
(18:27:10) eklundsaim: ok...want to get our lawyers together before game 5, sign a non-disclosure, and I will show you different credentials I have used this year. all access...If I do you pay me $25,000...If I don't you get my house...deal???
(18:27:52) acidqueen5426: Sorry, I don't take bets with liars.

(I would have taken the bet had I felt that Dwayne-o would have been playing fairly--but I knew that he wouldn't have offered that wager if he didn't think he'd be able to fix the wager to favor him. And I'm sorry, but I don't have 25 large to throw away like that. Therefore, the only way to win in this instance was to deny the battle.)

(18:27:53) eklundsaim: they don't credential people and limit where they can go..not that I've seen
(18:28:25) eklundsaim: I'm dead serious. If you want to call me a liar, stand behind that claim.
(18:28:47) acidqueen5426: If what I post has you in that much of a tizzy, then have your lawyer come find me. If you're as connected as you claim you are, you should have no trouble at all figuring out who I am and where I live.

(Put up or shut up, Dwayne. If you think you have some sort of case against me, then sic your lawyers on me.)

(18:29:10) acidqueen5426: I've heard enough. You have a great day now.
(18:29:20) eklundsaim: figures
(18:29:33) eklundsaim: one last attempt at peace here
(18:30:49) acidqueen5426: What, you going to offer me an all-access pass (that you don't have) or box seats at Game 5? A "treasured" spot on hockeybuzz.com right next to ol' Garth?
(18:32:04) acidqueen5426: And all if I just shut up and print a retraction, I bet.
(18:34:02) eklundsaim: you are just an angry person obviously...I would expect no retraction....keep it up, keep people thinking I'm Dwayne, probably seel some CDs for the guy...you are all so fast to jump to conclusions at what you read...very gullible
(18:34:48) acidqueen5426: Riiight. If I didn't hit a nerve, then why bother with me? After all, I'm just some ranty ol' battleaxe from North Carolina.
(18:36:23) eklundsaim: I will tell you why I am bothering you...because I like your style and I thought you sounded like a reasonable person who might want to know the truth...
(18:36:52) eklundsaim: when people make false claims I usually ignore them

(But when you have bullshit called on you and it sticks? You're all over it like white on rice. The guilty flee where none pursue.)

(18:37:23) eklundsaim: the press pass thing is so ridiculous, and Joe Thistel and I at XM had a good laugh at the email
(18:37:46) acidqueen5426: *laughs* I'm plenty reasonable--but when I find evidence that you're not exactly shopping at TruthTown, then it's not hard to figure out that I'll truck out the guns.
(18:38:10) acidqueen5426: Since when did I e-mail anyone at XM?
(18:38:21) eklundsaim: The real Eklund story becomes muddier and muddier, which I guess helps me

(18:38:46) eklundsaim: someone did, referring to you I guess
(18:39:22) acidqueen5426: Ah yes, Mike Chen.
(18:41:07) eklundsaim: you aren't reasonable my friend....you are figuring I must be a liar because stuff I wrote during the lockout didn't pan out or rumors don't pan out. I was the just the messanger during the lockout...stuff EVERYONE wrote didn't pan out...I figured at least we could get some info out that I knew to pass the boring hockeyless winter

(18:45:04) acidqueen5426: 1) I'm not your friend. 2) I'm unreasonable to you only because I don't believe you. And 3) I daresay that I'm far more credible than you could ever hope to be--and I don't even pretend to be a Sooper Sekrit Insider.

And if you're that upset about what I post (and I can tell that you are quite upset, despite your attempts as dissembling), then perhaps you should lawyer up and come find me. It shouldn't be that hard, if you're as connected if you think you are.
(18:46:29) eklundsaim: I have to go as well...but what frustrates me is this...whether you like me or not, I have reached a level where I am the only internet blogger ever to be credentialled for the finals...yes even the locker rooms...I am never malicious nor do I write anything bad about any other blogger...I believe in the internet and hockey blogging...I wish that some of the best hockey bloggers (like yourself) would embrace this Eklund phenom,, because we could make an impact...I personally only hurt myself by doing so, but I don't need to be the ONLY recognized hockey blogger...because frankly there are alot of them that are way better than me...Eric, he screwed me by twisting in interview..I figured you might be different...
(18:46:56) acidqueen5426: Riiiight.
(18:47:01) acidqueen5426: Bye now.
(18:47:18) eklundsaim: absolutely..you showed your colors..enjoy
(18:49:13) eklundsaim: I don't leave anyhting in a negative light, so I really would like to wish you well....maybe someday we will meet and laugh at this...keep writing..we need good canes writers, especially good women Canes writers...I just added second woman blogger last week.

be well

NOW THEN. I shared these IMs with a few other bloggers who share my antagonism toward The Fraud. I commented that when I saw Eklund make his "offer" to me, I felt like D'artagnan being offered Cardinal Richelieu's hand of friendship and patronage in exchange for turning on the musketeers, but that drawing that parallel would be an insult to Cardinal Richelieu (the real one and his literary counterpart).

Later that day, I get the following IM:

(16:58:01) eklundsaim: very interesting...you gave eric my aim....you just solidified my case. thank you

Hoping that I could get him to yak more (because, quite frankly, his delusions are very amusing to me), I shot back with:

(17:01:20) acidqueen5426: Hard to solidify something you don't have, chief.

After that, I went radio silent so I could go do something else (like pop a Flexeril and go crash for a while), and when I came back I had the following waiting for me:

(17:39:58) eklundsaim: you don't even know probably, because reading you I imagine you are not involved at the level that I am legally tracking...I have had people threaten my children, my wife, my mother, etc...they have been sending anonymous emails through a service, and fortunatley I know a prosecuter who is helping me out. Homeland security ip checking technology...Anyway, this anonymous person just sent me another email that tied it all together...this is just hockey acid queen...I will protect my family at all costs...
(17:41:58) eklundsaim: i have done nothing illegal..it is very illegal to threaten someone through anonymous emails.
(17:42:03) eklundsaim: now I have them
(17:42:24) eklundsaim: so my family and I thank you.

OK, now let me tell you guys a little about my net.past here. I am an old spamfighter from way way way back. I was on Usenet back before the days of widespread spam and AOLers, and I have participated in more than my fair share of IP-tracking expeditions.

The "technology" that's available to the Heimatsicherheitsamt is the same "technology" that's available to any system administrator or savvy netizen worth his (or her) salt. Threats? I strongly doubt it--yes, there are a few unhinged folks out there, but I'm not one of them. What would anyone have to gain from threatening Dwayne? Nothing. What would Dwayne-o have to gain from implying that I'm somehow involved in these "threats"? Does he think that I'm responsible or these "threats" that he's supposedly gotten, and will freak out at the mention of the Homeland Security Gestapo?


I just ignored him--then came the little gem at the top of this post (which made me laugh until I almost lost bladder control), and finally this (in response to my post from this morning):

(11:01:25) eklundsaim: nice blog today...your husband has to step up for you! trust me, I was 9 the last time I go to watch my team actually win a cup in real time, almost 30 years ago. Even though I do believe the Canes have a dynasty in the making, this is such a hard tourney to win...The good news...Markkanen has played better than Rollie could have played....so that excuse won't be there...good luck, I am really looking forward to being in that room on Wednesday night and touching that hardware...

Now THIS--the part that I highlighted in boldface--is interesting...which brings me back to media passes.

If Dwayne Klessel has a media pass (and this is a huge if), he has a "generic" one that is severely restricted. During the Cup Finals, the NHL is absolutely fascistic about where you can go with a media pass. It's high security, and if you have a "generic" pass (i.e. one that is issued to a newspaper rather than to a specific person from that newspaper) then you not only will have serious restrictions on where you can go, but you will also be required to show ID at some point--and the NHL will not be allowing Dwayne Klessel into places like the locker room, and certainly not on the pass that his buddy Panch has supposedly gotten for him.

My hunch is that if Dwayne-o is at Game 5, it'll be cos he bought a ticket from one of the scalpers camped out in front of Carter-Finley Stadium.

And good luck on him touching the Cxp if it's awarded tomorrow.

Go Canes.