20 May, 2006


Before I start:

I ban trolls from my commentbox. I did it the last two rounds, and I do it now. And yes, I'm talking to the asshats that came here from the N&O blogs and are now whining because they're no longer able to litter the comment section with their garbage. If you're just going to call me an "ignorant slut" and other such wonderful things, then you can go peddle your papers elsewhere--and this applies to Canes fans just as much as it applies to fans of any opposing team.

Now then.

The game was actually not that bad, all told. The second period was complete and total weak-sauce, and the Sabres took advantage--had the Canes not figured that everything was hunky-dory and that they could slack off cos the score was tied (i.e. if they had played aggressively like they did in the first and third periods), then the outcome would have been much different. The Hurricanes and Sabres are clones of each other, they really are--same system, same type players, same type playoff rookie goaltenders, same coaching philosophy...it's like looking in a mirror.

That said: Miller was the difference-maker in this game. In a way he's like Ilya Bryzgalov out in Anaheim--when he's on, he's nigh-invulnerable. When he's off, he's a colander.

I'm not upset about the outcome, I'm really not. My opinion of SabresFan, however, has gone down several hundred notches after seeing the ones that invaded the RBC throw their trash all over our parking lot, assault our fans (a couple of Sabres fans jumped a somewhat mouthy Caniac outside the RBC after the game and started a big brawl that the RPD had to break up*), and generally act like they're from Detroit.

And you all know how much love I have for Detroit.


I'm not happy with some of the Canes fans, either, for sinking to the level of the invaders. That's the kind of garbage I'd expect from Flyers, Devils, or locally-based Red Wings fans. When the enemy's fans come to your house and act like the assholes that they are, you go get the securebots and let them deal with the situation. You don't dump beer on them, you don't try to shove them down the steps (I'm talking specifically to the middle-aged jackass in Section 101 that tried shoving some drunk-ass Sabres fan down the steps for having some stupid POS whiteboard sign), and you sure as hell don't throw shit at them. If they're causing trouble, get the ushers. If the ushers are unwilling to do anything, get security. If the securebot refuses to do anything, demand to speak to his (or her) supervisor.

Go Canes.

*:No, I was not involved.

19 May, 2006


Ah yes, leave it to SabresFan to do SO much to dispel my growing hatred. Apparently, only Tom L. figured out that my previous post was not a threat in any way, shape, form, or fashion--if he can do it, then what the hell is the problem with the rest of you lot?

Calling me an ignorant slut, making self-righteous patronizing comments about the N&O doing a service for the newer members of the fanbase, AND crying that I'm somehow threatening Sabres fans (even though I've done nothing of the sort) is not the way to engender good will.

It's also not the way to get me to feel anything but pure white-hot loathing for your team.

Good job, SabresFan. I hope your team gets to a Game 7 with us and then own-goals in overtime, because it would serve you right.

17 May, 2006

And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Raleigh's print journalism community

Love you guys, even in those rare occurrences when I have to drop the hammer on you.

Moving right along:

The shit-talk from those booger-eatin' Sabres fans has begun in earnest. Trolls have been getting banned left and right from the boards. The shitstorm in the unmoderated blogs is beginning to slowly pile up. Stan Fischler has started pillorying MY COACH for the sins of Don Waddell. Tom L. has been ganking and corpse-camping my happy Tauren ass in the Burning Steppes every chance he gets.

Not only that, but this one jackass from down in Fayettenam has decided to crawl back out from under the rock that he went under earlier this season and wave his gerbil-peen at me while proclaiming those motherfraggin' Sabres to be Cup Champs already!

I've had it. I'm done.


You! Hurricanes! I want you to drag those bastards down into the dirt and OWN them, right in front of all their asshat fans (who at this moment are below Red Wings Nation on my scale of fan-hatred). I want you to light Ryan Miller's bony ass up like the frickin CHRYSLER BUILDING. I want BLOOD and GUTS and Daniel Briere getting tossed around like a rag doll! I want JP Dumont thrown to the Deadites! I want nothing less than VICTORY.


Go Canes.

14 May, 2006

The Malik Effect

There are all kinds of fun theories that abound in the sporting world--the Curse of the Bambino, the Ewing Theory, and so on.

I introduce to you, dear readers, a new (and equally unscientific) sports theory:

The Malik Effect--named for this man:

The Serene Master

New York Rangers defenseman Marek Malik.

The theory behind The Malik Effect holds that any team that beats a team with Marek Malik on it in the playoffs will suffer later on. I won't bore you with a big metaphysical discussion of people who can affect the overall luck of others and the quasi-religious clownery that drives the theory--I'll just let the facts speak for themselves. ;)

Known examples of The Malik Effect in action:

1999: Boston Bruins defeat the Carolina Hurricanes in the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals. Bruins go on to get pwned by the Buffalo Sabres on their march to that year's Cup Finals.

2001: New Jersey Devils defeat the Carolina Hurricanes in the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals. Devils go on to choke a 3-2 lead over the Colorado Avalanche in that year's Stanley Cup Finals and get pwned in Game 7.

2003, 2004, 2006: Detroit Red Wings find themselves unable to advance past the second round of the playoffs since beating the Carolina Hurricanes in the 2002 Stanley Cup Finals.

2003: Minnesota Wild defeat the Vancouver Canucks in the Western Conference Semifinals. Wild go on to get swept in the Western Conference Finals by the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim.

2004: Calgary Flames defeat the Vancouver Canucks in the Western Conference Quarterfinals. Flames go on to the Cup Finals, only to lose to the Tampa Bay Lightning in seven games.

2005: Hame Zlin beats HC Vitkovice Steel in the Czech Extraliga playoffs. After a heated seven-game series, Zlin goes on to get swept in the Finals by Pardubice.

2006: New Jersey Devils beat the New York Rangers in the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals. Devils go on to get the crap beaten out of them by the Carolina Hurricanes in the Eastern Conference Semifinals.

The only two known avoidances of the Malik Effect have come in international competition: Canada in 2004's World Cup, and Sweden in this year's Olympic games. So of course it's not completely watertight.

But it's my theory and I'm sticking to it. ;)

Son of a motherless......

Ouch. Yesterday's game was, if nothing else, a wake-up call for the Canes--and for my fellow fans, some of whom were arrogantly calling a sweep while others (like me) knew better. Some fans that went to Game 4 were stupid enough to bring brooms--hopefully yesterday's game knocked some sense into them, especially since the Canes got pushed around a bit (which has some of the more cerebrally-challenged in the Caniac Nation (est. 1997) screaming and whining for somebody to start burying sticks in the heads of various Devils players--yeah, let's get the whole team suspended. There's a great idea, right there).

I have a sneaking suspicion that the Devils will win tonight, and the Canes will close it out at home on Tuesday. Would be nice if the Canes close it out tonight, but we'll see.

In other news:

Mark Knudson of "The Coloradoan" is pissing and whining about the playoffs--specifically, the fact that the Avs and Red Wings are no longer in them--and blames the salary cap for bringing about "mediocre hockey" (i.e. the fact that the Edmontons and Carolinas of the NHL aren't just bending over and letting the "elite" teams put it to them) and a decline in ratings.

I'm sorry, what? Edmonton didn't change a whole hell of a lot from the season before the lockout (except for adding Chris Pronger, who was dumped by the Blues specifically to make the team more attractive to a buyer, and taking on serial malcontent Michael Peca after the Isles let him go)--and look what they did.

The Avs didn't do so hot in the last couple seasons leading up to the lockout, and I thank blame the Malik Effect for the Red Wings' inability to get it up since 2002--can we blame the salary cap for that, too?

Have you watched any playoff games this season, Markie-poo? There's been some pretty damn exciting hockey played...of course, this assumes that you know anything about the sport (which knowledge clearly is not in evidence).

As for the ratings....the NHL made their own bed with a metric assload of help from Bristol on that one, who kept pushing the same five teams over and over and over (NY Rangers, St. Loo, Colorado, Philadelphia, Dallas, and Detroit) because they were more "marketable" even when a good many of their games were boring as hell to watch compared to some very anger-filled Nashville-Columbus or Carolina-Washington games. Of course they're going to get bigger ratings--when you see them all the time, you come to expect them and wind up putting on blinders to some damn good small-market teams. You can't blame the salary cap for that without looking like a former beisbol player who sniffed the pine tar in the back of the clubhouse a bit too much a complete and total toolbag.

Stick to beisbol, Markie-poo, because it's painfully obvious that you know dick-all about hockey.

Go Canes.