12 May, 2006

Oh boy.

That roar you hear coming from the general direction of Colorado is my sister (The Pregnant Motie Warrior) expressing her feelings at her beloved Avs getting the broom last night.

My poor brother-in-law doesn't stand a chance.

Sometime today, I'll get a nice ranty e-mail from TPMW about the subject.


Chairman Mo has been appointed General Secretary of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Leafs fans, I am currently hunting down my old propaganda posters for you to use as we speak.

I never had a problem with Paul Maurice on a personal (read: outside of hockey) level--but his coaching was, of course, another matter entirely. I felt that his coaching development had been seriously arrested by his being thrown into the battleground that is an NHL head coaching position, that he was seriously deficient in several areas (player communication, adaptability, and keeping the team on-focus were the big ones), and that above all else he was being done a disservice by being kept on the yob for so long. From his tenure with the Marlies, it seems that he has taken some lessons away from his tenure here (which is good), and I'm sure that he'll do a fine job with the Leafs.

I wish the guy much luck in his new yob--but not against the Canes.

Nothing personal, of course. 's just hockey.

11 May, 2006

The Forms Must Be Obeyed (and last night's game)

Dear self,

Set the DVR next time.

Now that that's out of the way....

I wanted to have this post be about fan superstitions and how they can change from regular season to postseason, but the big stumbling block for me is "how the hell do I put it?"

Some fans don't put a lot of stock in superstitions, but a lot of us do. It's part of the fan experience. Sure, a lot of players have their own little superstitions/traditions--the playoff beards, certain articles of clothing, particular ways of taping sticks or little things that they do before games--but fans? Oy, we fans can really take the cake.

For example:


Perform Ritual of the Bitter Bean if working third shift the night before a game or first shift the day of a game.
Avoid Camel Cremas.


Diet Coke.
Avoid Camel Izmir Stingers.


Play World of Warcraft or Warcraft III before/during the game.
Listen to Chuck Kaiton, DVR John and Tripp and watch them later.


Play Civ3 and Neverwinter Nights before the game.
Be asleep or at work during the game. If awake during game, play Civ3 or NWN.
Listen to Chuck Kaiton after the game.

There are a few others that I have--but I'm not going to post them here because I don't want to mess up the mojo.

Because the forms must be obeyed, and that.

As for last night's game:

The Devils are playing like a team that's already been defeated--in a lot of ways, they've become a mirror of the Rangers team that they beat in the first round. They're fighting, but as hard as they could be. It's as if they're going through the motions, with a couple of exceptions--I didn't see/hear a lot of attack from them last night.

The Canes, on the other hand, are almost the opposite--but they have to be careful not to be lulled into complacency by these mooks, or this series will end badly for them.

Two days off, and then Game 4. We'll see what happens.

10 May, 2006

And speaking of bush frickin' league....

It seems that a group of moronic Devils fans (led by some cerebrally-challenged dysenteric amoeba who calls himself CaptainLou and whose only retort to the much smarter Canes fans on XM yesterday was "Three Cups") has decided that they're going to chuck a bunch of beach balls at the Hurricanes bench before Game 3 tonight.

To quote a post from a Devils message board:

At East Rutherford: Cloudy. High 63F. Winds NE at 5 to 10 mph.

Inside CAA: Raining Beach Balls

Follow these instructions so we will NOT have problems

1. Do not understimate the NJSEA CAA security. If they see you with a beach ball, deflated or not, they will take it away immediately.

2. Do not show off your beach balls and enter the arena calmly and sit in your section. Try to arrive at the CAA doors by 6:15 PM

3. With 4 min remaining before the game starts, start inflating your beach ball and do this discretely

4. Hide them under your seats.

5. Try to spot Section 218 or 228(located in the upper bowls and in the corners). Wait for their them to give the "signal" to release the beach balls into the wild CAA crowd.

6. When the lights turn off for pregame introductions, get your beach balls ready and look for the red light signal from 218 to launch them.

7. When you see the red light in 218 flash FIRE AWAY. If you don't have an overhanging structure in your section, hit the beach ball as high as gravity can take it. If you do have this structure, the best bet is to hit the beach ball straight out into the open. After you are done with your beach ball, start chanting Lets Go Devils.

8. Please cooperate and make this a team effort. Fans inthe 100's section, try to hit the beach balls over the glass into the carolina bench or the tunnel. Please be careful and use common sense. Do not use these beach balls to hit someone on purpose. Also DO NOT do this during the game, only in pregame. We do not want to get a delay of game penalty. This is our time to shine in front of the whole world. And the Guiness World Record people will be taking notes.

On another Devils board*, fans are talking about scribbling all kinds of wonderful things on the balls before sending them in flight--cracks about Erik Cole, taking potshots about Steve Chiasson, and various other forms of stupidity.

Wow, talk about your class. If any Caniac tried that at the RBC, I guarantee you that there'd be at least five or six people in his section all over him saying "What the hell is wrong with you, foolio?!" and turning him over to the securebots for a stern talking-to.

And the Devils themselves aren't much better--at least in the case of Marty "sister in-law-boner" Brodeur, who is already throwing his teammates under the bus. Oh, let the excusemaking begin!

Don't EVEN get me started on the drooling fangrrls and fanbois in various places that are all upset because some "unworthy" Southern team is poised to knock off the New Jersey Devils. I got your "unworthy" right here, you ign'ant assbaguettes.


Go Canes.

*:board names hidden to prevent the asshats from getting traffic. Puck 'em, Go Canes.

edit 8 Sept 2006: Dear Devils Fans: The blog has moved, and I only saw your comments because somebody was "kind" enough to mail me about them. If you want to show your ass for the world to see, go to http://acidqueen.projectremains.com/ and blather there. Have a nice day, chumps.

Red Flag, meet Bull.

Oh boy oh boy, some folks just. Never. Freaking. Learn.

A couple days ago, faithful readers, you may remember me firing a shot across the bow of Joe Ovies, one of the berks from Raleigh's own 850 the Buzz.


Joe decided that he didn't like that too much, and fired back with his trusty little dime-store pea-shooter. Among other things, Numbnut decided that he just HAD to whine about my not linking to his post so the world could see his weak, pathetic, pitiful, and otherwise sadder-than-Titanic attempt to look like he knows more than he really does (which is--as the Russians would say--ничего).

Now, I was just going to let it go (after plinking him with a five-inch shell) and just let Joe look like the craven little toolbag that he is.....

....and then I opened up my mailbox yesterday and saw this:

FROM: Adam Gold
TO: The Acid Queen

SUBJ: leave him alone

Your highness,

leave my man, joe ovies, alone!

he didn't say anything that should have offended you unless you only read one small portion of his blog entry on the subject of the ticket prices.

in any case, we should all be basking in the afterglow of another incredible win and singing kumbaya.

adam gold, host/pd
wrbz 850 the buzz
wdnc 620 the bull


I'll pause for a moment while you all laugh yourselves senseless.


OK, now I have ignored a poke or two from a few folks in blogland in the past (*casts the Evil Fish-Eye at Da Chief*), but this whole thing was just too funny to NOT share.

I mean, can you picture it?

Ovies: "Waaaaah! Boss, the mean ol' Acid Queen is picking on me! Make her stop! Waaaaah!"

Gold: pats poor Joe on the back and gives him a bottle of hand-lotion "There there Joe. you just go yank your crank to "Beep Beep" in that corner over there and I'll take care of the nasty blogger. I'll send her an e-mail--that'll fix her wagon!"

Congrats, Adam, on proving two things:

1) Your employee is a spineless little weenbag who doesn't have the sack to fight his own battles.

2) You're an even bigger toolbag than those of us who had to deal with your anti-hockey garbage during the first 8 years of the team's existence here already knew you were.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

edit 5:20 PM: It appears that I've been removed from 850 the Buzz's blogroll--which, honestly, I'm not shedding a lot of tears over. If they can't deal with getting doinked with the Reality Bat, it's not my problem.

09 May, 2006

Fun with Captions, v.playoffs

Woohoo! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO!

08 May, 2006


This team is going to frickin' kill me.

But at least it'll be a good night at work tonight.