IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!

See, my strategy worked--I completely ignore the game, and the Canes win. Therefore, I will be sleeping through Sunday's game (especially since I don't have the jack for tickets--I'm sure some jackass "up north" will come back with some stupid-ass NASCAR smack and call me a stupid redneck for that, but I don't care).

The 'Canes are also coming to terms with the fact that Erik Cole isn't coming back. Colesy is understandably crushed, as are the fans and teammates who were hoping for his return--but if the following comment from Justin Williams in the N&O this morning is any indication, I think that the team will be channeling their disappointment into extra effort in Game 5 on Sunday (and Game 6 on Tuesday).

"We're frustrated for him. Yes, we'd like to see him back and we thought ... we had a chance. But the reality is he's not going to be able to go, and he's one of our best players. The best thing to do is not sulk but go out there and do it for him."

Sounds like a plan to me. Go Canes.

It's official.

Erik Cole is out for the duration.

Erik Cole will not return to the Carolina Hurricanes this season after doctors told him today the fracture in his vertebra has not healed enough to allow him to play.

Hurricanes coach Peter Laviolette said that Cole should be ready for training camp this fall, but Thursday's CT scan did not show the progress the team had hoped to see.

"There was insufficent healing in the bone," Laviolette said. "He will be OK for the game of life and his career, but he will not be joining us in the playoffs."

Cole, 27 was injured March 4 when Pittsburgh Penguins defenseman Brooks Orpik hit him from behind into the boards, causing a compression fracture to one of his vertebrae.

The Hurricanes take on the Buffalo Sabres in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference finals Friday night, down 2-1 in the series.

"Everybody was holding out hope he'd be able to come back and play, but in the big picture we were worried about his life and career and that's going to be OK," Laviolette said. "It's disappointing he won't be with us, but that was really third on my list."

This is disappointing, but in the grand scheme of things it's really not a surprise. I think Lavi said it best--the important thing is that he'll be able to play again and live a full life.

Go Canes.

Fuckin' Orpik.

I just don't get the N&O.

Well actually I do--they're really only fit to be a fishwrap, with the exception of Luke DeCock and J.P. Giglio.

But apparently the editorial staff at the paper is still incensed that the Centennial Authority wisely refused to put the RBC Center downtown, because they've been posting articles during these playoffs that make it sound like the whole freaking town is anti-hockey.

The latest flap? David Jones, a local business owner, took a utility knife to the jerseys that had been put onto four of the statues at the State Capitol because, according to him, it was "disrespectful" (and State law wasn't followed when they were put up, but apparently it's too hard to simply file a procedural grievance and avoid making a damn fool out of yourself). The N&O doesn't bother quoting any actual Hurricanes fans about the incident--instead, they get this gem from some guy who wouldn't know a puck from a spark plug:

"My name is Zebulon Vance Stephenson III, so you know where I stand -- with Mr. Jones," said the Knightdale postal supervisor whose great-grandfather worked for Vance after the Civil War helping Confederate veterans find a job. "As for ice hockey, I look on it like I do a bowel movement -- this too shall pass."

Personally? I don't think Zebulon Vance would be offended by having a jersey on his statue. Nor would Andrew Jackson. Based on historical record, Old Hickory would probably tell Mr. Jones (and Mr. Stephenson) to get over themselves and actually take in a Hurricanes game or two sometime and have some fun.

But what do I know, I'm just a fan of "that Yankee sport".

(And if anyone knows what the name of Mr. Jones' business is so that I can let people know to avoid it, please let me know. Thanks.)

Oh for....

To: Sports Editor, News and Observer
From: The Acid Queen

Subj: Ned "Toolbag Junior" Barnett

To whom this concerns;

Ned Barnett? Of all the columnists at the N&O that you could have swapped with a Buffalo rag for this round, it had to be Ned "I don't know nothin' 'bout watchin' no dern hockey" Barnett? I guess Caulton "Toolbag Senior" Tudor is still in hiding from the angry Canes (and Habs) fans after the infamous Frog Incident and was therefore unavailable? Not that he'd be any better, but sheeet mang.

It's bad enough we have smacktards from Buffalo who don't know shit about shit (and who know even less about the Triangle and the people who live here) running their ign'ant yaps about us for the benefit of Joe Plumber'sbutt from Lackawackawhatchamafuhgeddaboudit--we don't need "one of our own" (*snort* *guffaw*) doing the same damn thing about our own damn people.

Suggestion: make my boy J.P. Giglio a columnist and swap him instead--at least he knows hockey (unlike Ned the Nimrod, who after SEVEN YEARS of writing about this team still doesn't know the difference between offsides and obstruction).

Please, for the love of Forseti, I beg you: take Ned's keyboard away before he embarrasses the Caniac Nation (est. 1997) any further.

Sincerely,

The Acid Queen
Raleigh, NC



To: SabresFan
From: The AcidQueen

Subj: Ned Barnett

To whom this concerns;

Ned Barnett is not an accurate representative of the Hurricanes fanbase in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Ignore Ned, because he knows even less about hockey than my husband (who not only doesn't watch hockey at all and who taped over my recordings of the games from 2002 with Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes, but still thinks that Robert Kron plays for the Hurricanes).

Not that it'll stop you from continuing to be arrogant assholes or anything, but still.

Kiss my ass if you don't like me calling you arrogant assholes,

The AcidQueen

Next up: more of the same.

Wow, looks like my previous entry is getting a lot of run on the Sabres boards.

I'm also being essentially called a liar by some of the fans on those boards, because in their opinion no damage was done.

Sorry, I know the RPD well enough to know that if they didn't think they could make the charge stick they wouldn't make the bust.

Apparently it's OK to say that nobody down here knows anything about hockey because of a few vocal n00bs, but it's not OK for me to pass along an incident involving a drunk AND UNDER-AGE Buffalo fan.

Riiiight.

Gotta love that ol' double-standard.

AS FOR THE GAME:

Wow. This is what playing like ass for 35 minutes out of 60 will get you, kids--PWNT.

The officiating was no great help, but you can't blame the refs for a complete lack of discipline, defensive breakdowns, and the Canes losing their cool.

Let me say again:

The Canes played like ass tonight. They didn't skate, they tried to be cute, and they let themselves get all caught up in that whole retaliation thing--that's why they lost. The officiating, though craptacular as always, wasn't why. The Canes beat themselves.

On to Friday.

Now there's something to be proud of.

Meet 20-year old Sean McNaughton. Sean came all the way down from Perrysburg, NY for the weekend--and wound up getting hauled off by Raleigh's Finest after he decided that it would be fun to start drunkenly running up to any and all approaching cars with Canes paraphernalia on them and pretend that he was Duke Nukem with MIGHTY FOOT ENGAGED. Sean dented the hell out of the hood of some guy's car, and now he's down at City and County wearing an orange jumpsuit (unless his parents wired him bail money by now).

Wow. I know that there have been more than a few Sabres fans out in cyberspace decrying drunken idiocy such as Sean's and making apologies for the morons in their fanbase, but crap like this is the lasting impression that the bulk of the Caniac Nation (est. 1997) will forever have when they think of the Buffalo Sabres. It doesn't matter how many apologies get made, and it doesn't matter how many other Canes fans say that they didn't have any trouble with the visiting fans--Sean and his cohorts pretty much ensured that Sabres fans will have the same reputation in R'lyeh that the Leafs fans have in Buffalo, and that even the good eggs will get met with open hostility from a lot of the locals....especially because that incident and several others (including fights between a couple locals) made it into this morning's News and Observer.

Hope you're proud of yourselves, folks.


Photo courtesy of Guyute from Teh LGC.

OH SNAP

Meanwhile, at the World Championships in Latvia, A Canadian fan with the oh-so-clever name of "gotskills" decided to go to the Team Czechia forum on the IHWC website and post the following:

how may years has "NO PLAYER SHALL WASH HIS HOCKEY EQUIPMENT" law been on the czech law books?

It may be time to get with the times and mix in a clean jersey now and then.

The only response came from a Czech poster, who replied with what is possibly the most perfect way of calling somebody an idiot for askin such a question:

Ohh.. What a core problem!

Let me put it this way: One who think that external appearance is most important is ready to iron his cerebral cortex in case it could be visible ;)

And, of course, "gotskills" showed his great intellect with the following response:

Your DEEP

Oh, those Canadians (and the Czechs who wtfpwn them).

(thanks to correspondent Joolzie for the pointer)