10 June, 2006

See, I told you.

It's not over yet. Now would you asshats that are already engraving the Hurricanes' names on the Cxp please STFU until it's all over? Thanks.

Whatever It Takes....to get over a broken heart


I sat in 333 Row G Seat 9--and when it was all over, I was too tired to cry. I was too tired to be angry, even though my friend Chicago Pete was hustling me out of the arena before I could muster up the strength to barehandedly eviscerate the loudmouthed Wings fan walking out next to me.

It's been four years and one day since Game 3. That's all I ever refer to it as--Game 3. In my own private Hell, I've seen that goal over and over and over again and heard the tormenting laughs of the enemy fans in my ears. Every fan has a moment like that...and that's mine.

Am I over it? Hey pre-1997 Wings fans--are you over 1995 yet? How about you, Oilers fans ages 25 and up? Are you over Steve Smith yet?

That's a question meant to illustrate my point, by the way.

There's a big keloid on my heart that forms the words:

1:16 AM
9 June 2002

It's all hard and painful--not as much as it was four years ago, but still painful. It tugs, it itches, it burns. But one day, the pain will fade and I'll be one step closer to being able to put Game 3 aside like I've put aside Steve Smith and the 1986 NFC Final and any other crushing sports heartbreak I've ever experienced (fuckin' Pistons, hope you rot in--oh wait, you're already there. Hope you rot).

Gods willing, that day will be today.

Puck drops at 8 Eastern, Lots at the RBC open at 3 for tailgating and the game will be shown on the jumbotron. Go Canes.

08 June, 2006

It's not over yet.

ATTN: Newbie 'Canes fans
FROM: The Acid Queen


If I see one more post on one more message board declaring the 'Canes to be champs, I am going to kill somebody--and I'll start with you, n00b-sauce.

The 'Canes have won two games in this series so far, but that only means that they've won two games in this series so far. It doesn't mean that the 'Canes are Teh Winnar yet. All it means is that they lead the series 2-0. The Oilers are more than capable of mounting a comeback--they did it to Detroit, and they did it to San Jose.

Do I think the 'Canes realize that? Of course. Do I think the Oilers will be re-energized by playing in their own barn? Absodamnlutely.

Cheer for the 'Canes. Love the 'Canes. But for the love of Forseti, DO NOT dub them Champs until and unless the 'Canes win two more games and the Commish puts the Cxp in the Warchief's hands.


Go Canes.

07 June, 2006

Into the belly of the beast.

OK, first: You "Caniacs" that are trolling the Oilers blogs and boards need to knock it the fuck off, right now. You're doing the same classless shit that a bunch of a certain other team's fans did to us in the last round, and it's fucking embarrassing.

Second: Oilers fans, what the hell happened? I was expecting the Oilers to come out flying tonight, but instead they were flatter than an eight-year old's chest--and when the score got out of hand in favor of the 'Canes, they lost their cool.

Wow, where have I seen something like that happen before?

I'm actually a little skurred, now, going back to the Northlands Coliseum. Things are going to get ugly--very, very ugly--if the 'Canes aren't careful. The key will be to come out hard, put some points on the board early, and keep the pedal to the proverbial metal. If the 'Canes let the Oilers back in this series, there's going to be trouble.

Go Canes.

p.s. the new CBA is finally up.

Five-minute Bullshit major, Part 3: If only you knew....

Yet more on the Dwayne Klessel Eklund front.

Yes, he DOES have a press credential (through the Philadelphia Inquirer, and courtesy of his buddy Tim Panaccio)--a restricted one, which from what I understand (and have been told) means no basement-level access. He can sit on press row and meander through any part of the arena that is not at ice-level, and that's pretty much it.

He's also staying at an hotel in Raleigh, about a mile and a half from my house. So that much, at least, is true.


For the last what, two days? Yon Fraudulent One has been blogging about being at the post-practice press conferences, but his entries have come hours after the press conference is over and are verbatim copies of the post-practice press releases.

I happen to know that there's a press section set up in the north end Club level of the RBC, with monitors, computers, and everything else that a newsie might need to file a report--so why the big delay? Is he waiting out in front for a cab to come get him and take him to Crabtree Valley Mall to get some shopping in before doing the Glenwood Avenue Shuffle back to the mediot hotel?

For that matter, why the flagrant plagiarism?

Just curious.

Oh, REALLY? (Five-minute Bullshit Major, Part 2)

Last night, I decided to zip off an e-maul to somebody in the 'Canes org who would know (I won't reveal that person's name here because I haven't been given permission to--if that person is reading this, please drop me a line if it's OK for me to drop yer name).

I said:

Hey $NAME, a question:

Were any media credentials given to Eklund/Dwayne Keith Klessel? Just curious.

Thanks. Love ya bunches!


And lo, the response came down from Asgard 1400 Edwards Mill Road while I was at work:

Hey AQ-

I know [he wasn't] in the first three rounds, and I would guess that [he was]* not in this round either. The league controls credentialing and press seating in the Finals, so I do not have a complete list of who they issued passes to.


Eklund should know better--I can smell one of his lies like a rancid beer-fart in a car.

I am on the case with the help of another (slightly inactive) 'Canes blogger. More details to come, peeps.


The Hurricanes and the Oilers are getting ready for Game 2 tonight at the RBC Center. The question is: Which goalie will MacT activate tonight? Of course, one also wonders if the 'Canes will decide to play two slack-ass periods again--personally, I hope not. I know the Oilers are going to bring their best tonight, so by Thunder the 'Canes need to do the same.

Lots open at 3:00, Puck drops at 8:00.

Go Canes.

*:items in brackets substituted for the plural, since Eklund and Dwayne Keith Klessel are the same person.

06 June, 2006

Five-minute Bullshit major

So I was tooling round the 'Canes boards on scout.com, and found this little gem:

I was listening to XM after the game and they had on Eklund, from Hockeybuzz.com. He's an actual decent reporter, unlike that asshat Garth, but anyway. . .

Eklund said that after the game when news got around about Roloson being done for the series, one 'Canes player, who made him promise not to quote him, slammed his fist repeatedly against his locker and said, (paraphrase) "We are going to win the Cup".

OK, first: Anyone who calls Dwayne Keith Klessel Eklund The Fraud "an actual decent reporter" is on crack.

Second: Any Hurricanes player that would do something so egregiously stupid would get the Mighty Foot planted up his ass by the Warchief and the rest of the tribal elders. Those who were around in 2002 know damn good and frickin' well that the series is FAR from over.

Third: I HIGHLY doubt that Eklund The Fraud was given any media credentials at all (and I do have ways of finding such things out, by the way), much less locker room access.

Fourth: The guys on XM lost any and all credibility they had when they allowed airtime to Eklund The Fraud and Garth The Liar.

Fifth: If said incident HAD occurred, don't you think that the Canadian mediots would have been all over it like white on rice? I certainly do!

And y'know, I would have such a snappy ending for this post, but I think I'm still trying to get my brain wrapped around the idea that people actually believe that damn fraud.

Go Canes.

Ouch, v.infinity


Another opposing player goes down, and yet more people whine and cry that their team would have won the game if that player had been healthy.

Nevermind that the 'Canes had already hung a four-spot on Roloson before Marc-Andre Bergeron decided to do his impression of a freight train and send the Hurricanes' Andrew Ladd (who was well outside the crease) flying into the guy. Clearly, if the Oilers were healthy they'd sweep the Hurricanes because they're Charged By God with bringing the Cup back from the Dirty South. Or something.


My knee aches in sympathetic pain for Roli, it really does--but come on. Maybe the Oilers can rally despite having Conkkanen (as one commenter tabbed the remaining Oilers' goalies) in net. Maybe the 'Canes can play three shitty periods a game instead of just two (don't laugh, they've done it many a time before). Who knows?

Don't count your team out yet, Oilers fans--I really think that they'll make a series of this come Hel or high water. I know I'm certainly not expecting this to be easy for the 'Canes.

Oh yeah, and gg My Bitch for converting on that penalty shot. That really was a beauty.

05 June, 2006

Ave Caesar! Morituri te salutant!

I actually feel pretty calm this morning--probably because all my attention is focused on my bad back. Lower back pain + (heavy lifting at work - Happy Fun Pain Meds) = suffering AcidQueen (that roar you hear is SabresNation and Da Chief cheering wildly).

(that was a joke, kids.)

Anyway. Tonight the Hurricanes and the Oilers begin their epic battle for all the proverbial marbles. The N&O has the usual raft of idiocy from Ned Barnett, Caulton Tudor (especially Caulton Tudor), et al.--and precious little from my boys Luke (who put together a lovely little bit of analysis--though the Oilers fans will probably be up in arms because Luke picks the 'Canes to win) and JP...but this gem caught my eye:


Yes, it's lame. Yes, it's dorky and more than a little sad. But damned if some of those suggestions aren't funny as hell. Thanks a lot, N&O--now I won't be able to look at Oleg Tverdovsky without shouting "RUDY!" and every time I see my Evil Twin Bret Hedican I'll be wanting to quote lines from "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest".

...and honestly? ChuckandtheletterK always reminded me of Danny DeVito.


Anyway. The lots at the RBC open at 3:00 PM, and the puck drops at 8:00. Cheer extra loud for me.

And as always:


Go Canes.

04 June, 2006

Sunday ruminations, Narn edition.

Of all the people that the Edmonton Sun had to talk to at the N&O, it had to be Ned "I don't know nothin' 'bout watchin' no hockey" Barnett. Edmonton fans, you will more than likely see this guy's columns in the Sun during the Finals. HE DOES NOT, I repeat DOES NOT REPRESENT THE CAROLINA HURRICANES FANBASE--so please don't assume that his sad excuses for columns are in any way an accurate reflection of what the fans think. We don't like him much down here either, though he does have his fans (who barrack for UNC's basketball team).

By the way, in case you visitors haven't figured it out by now I'm quite fond of using movie quotes and various arcane references that have to do with history, my hobbies, favorite TV shows, and other bits of randomness. If you feel that you absolutely have to take every one of my posts 100% seriously, please go elsewhere because this is not the blog for you.

A comment was made at The Battle of Alberta about my Tour Guide that said that Canadian visitors don't need their passport to buy alcohol. Specifically, the comment was "and yes you can get drinks with proper id (passport NOT required)". I took the liberty of asking an agent from North Carolina Alcohol Law Enforcement about this, and was specifically told that if you are from out of the country and do not have a US-issued driver's license, you WILL need your passport--and that any clerk that takes a foreign driver's license for an age-restricted sale is risking a whole whack of trouble.

Since the ALE's agents will be out and about in the Triangle during the Finals (as they were during the previous round), please take it from somebody whose job requires her to be well-educated about the state's alcohol and tobacco sales laws: have your passport with you, and if you're the only one in the group who is over 21 please leave your friends in the car while you make the purchase. If you all come in together, we'll have to card you all.

Oh yeah--and please don't try using a fake or altered ID, because there's a good chance it'll get confiscated.

If you drive by one of the only three convenience stores that'll be open within a mile of the RBC Center in a late-night quest for beer and see the clerk out having a smoke, stop and say hi (cos it'll pry be me). Long as you don't act like a dumbass, I won't ash on you.

Somebody actually didn't understand the concept of the tailgate party? You gotta be kidding me.

I quote:

Concerning #6, where I come from, tailgating is following closely behind a vehicle. Why would I need a trash bag and try to join others "tailgating?"

I have to admit, it was hard for me to come up with a non-snarky answer for this one, especially when you consider that Helpful Hint Number Seven made it pretty clear what "tailgating" is in the context of a sporting event. I mean, all the *other* Leafs fans that came down four years ago understood it pretty clearly--so what the hell was up with that?


If the 'Canes win this series on the road (and I have faith that my team will find some way to win), I'm going to be at the airport for an all-night vigil...and I will not leave until I see the Cup. If the airport cops don't like it, they can bite me arse.

I envy those of you who will be at the Finals games in Raleigh. If I had $300 (which, btw, is over a week's wages for me), you betcherass I'd be there in one of the SRO sections. Cheer extra loud for me, fellow Caniacs--and please sing BOTH anthems loud enough to either drown out Holly Wilver or force her to stay on-key and on-meter (I apologize in advance for her, Edmonton fans--she really is 'orrible).

Flames fans: Is McCarty signed for one year, or for two?

I will confess that I look forward to the day when we have cleansed the hockey universe of the haters and carved their bones into little flutes for Caniac children. It is a dream I have. - G'Cane

(And if you STILL don't spot the reference in that last quote after the edit I made, STOP READING THIS BLOG NOW because it's painfully obvious that you Just Don't Get It.)